


Rooftop Conversations

by Avialle



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cigarettes and Whiskey, Comfort, Graduation, It's basically what the Title Says, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Nostalgia, on the roof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27408028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avialle/pseuds/Avialle
Summary: “I’m going to miss this”, Neil admitted.“You’ll get over it.”“I don’t want to get over it,” Neil said. “I don’t want you to leave,” Neil thought, and both of them knew.--Or: The last late night conversation on the roof between Andrew and Neil before Andrew leaves PSU.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 152





	Rooftop Conversations

**Author's Note:**

> I fell so hard for these books and these boys (especially Andrew!), so here's my first small attempt to write something for this awesome series.
> 
> Enjoy!

Neil hesitated. 

It was unnecessary, because it wouldn’t change anything nor do any good. 

It wouldn’t stop the unstoppable.

Maybe he was being foolish. It wasn’t the end of the world or a matter of life or death. Objectively speaking he had no reason to hesitate like this. The nasty feeling in his guts also had no business filling his head with depressing thoughts and make him feel like he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs whenever he allowed himself to think about it too much.

But opening this door would turn it into something final, into something he couldn’t return to, into _the last time,_ because it was and Neil knew – just like Andrew did.

Maybe that’s why Andrew was here. He wanted to say goodbye to a place that was too important to ever admit it. Too important to turn his back on without a last visit. Or he simply wanted to avoid the noisy crowd partying downstairs. It was probably both or something in between.

Actually, it was a miracle he spent so much time with the others _without_ getting into a serious fight. The party was wild and loud. Nicky didn’t tire to remind them all a graduation party was a once in a lifetime event of tremendous importance, but his cousins clearly didn’t share his view.

When Neil headed to the bathroom, Andrew took the opportunity to leave, but he didn’t need to think twice to know where to find him.

It was typical of Andrew to vanish without a word but Neil wouldn’t do him the favor and pretend he didn’t notice immediately; wouldn’t let him confirm his inner belief no one cared about him.

Neil did care. He cared so much it sometimes scared him and he wanted to imagine Andrew could believe him sometimes, but a certain amount of residual doubts would always remain. It didn’t fit into Andrew’s world view he could truly mean something to anyone.

But Neil didn’t tire to prove him wrong. Again and again.

He grabbed the handle of the door in front of him. The metal felt cold on his skin. A contrast to the warm air of the summer night greeting him when he finally pulled himself together and stepped outside.

The rooftop looked the same as always, but it wasn’t. Nothing of this was.

“Hey,” Neil said, even though he knew Andrew noticed his arrival immediately. “I never thought you’d be the nostalgic kind of person.”

Andrew didn’t even spare him a side-glance and stared into the distance in silence.

He was sitting on the edge of the roof, a bottle of cheap whiskey on his right. A fine trail of smoke ascended from the cigarette in his hand.

Neil came closer and sat down next to him with only some inches left between them. He stole the cigarette out of Andrew’s fingers and took a deep drag.

Hazel eyes watched him indifferently and Andrew just raised an eyebrow as he plucked another cigarette out of his box without saying a word.

“We could share.” Neil lifted the cigarette and enjoyed the familiar scent of smoke.

“I don’t want to.”

“Liar.”

Andrew turned his head to him, giving him an unblinking glance before he blew some smoke right into his face. A second later he dug a hand into Neil’s shirt and pulled him closer.

He tasted more smoke and a hint of whiskey on Andrew’s lips and there was a painful ache in his heart, but Neil knew better than to hold on to Andrew.

The kiss died and Andrew gave him another unaffected glance, before he turned to stare into the distance again.

For some time they just sat there sharing the silence, like they did so many nights before. They didn’t need words. Being here together was more than enough. 

It was so familiar Neil barely could stand it.

“I’m going to miss this”, Neil admitted after a while. There was nothing left of the cigarette but a smoldering stub between his fingers.

“You’ll get over it.”

“I don’t want to get over it,” Neil said. _“I don’t want you to leave,”_ Neil thought, but he didn’t need to say it aloud. Both of them knew anyway.

Andrew shrugged. “It’s not like you have a choice.”

He flipped the remains of his cigarette over the edge of the roof and leaned back, crossing his arms under his head.

Neil watched him in silence.

He looked the same as ever. His face was unmoved and aloof as he was staring into the night sky, but Neil knew he cared more than he was showing. It mattered to him. All of this did.

He did notice how Andrew had a one-to-one talk with every member of the remaining Foxes over the last week – or rather Robin drew his attention to it.

Andrew had been especially harsh and demanding when it came to her. She told Neil he promised to break her nose – at least – if something severe happened to him. Whatever Andrew’s definition of ‘severe’ was. Robin was supposed to keep an eye on him, because you couldn’t trust Neil-I’m-fine-Josten to actually talk about things that could become a problem.

It wasn’t that Andrew fought his fights for him if Neil didn’t ask him to or if a certain line wasn’t crossed, but apparently, he needed to make some things clear before he left.

Expect from Robin, Jack had been the only one to show some reaction towards Neil to this. He just said something like, “Go and tell your psycho I’m not impressed by his babbling,” but Neil didn’t. He still didn’t like Jack, but that didn’t meant he wanted to give Andrew a reason to hurt him seriously only a few days before his graduation. No matter how much Jack begged for it.

Andrew didn’t say a word about his little talking-sessions to him, but Neil knew it was his way to show he cared. He was concerned about how Neil would handle being left alone here – as much as Andrew could be concerned about anything. Even if he’d never admit that. 

But apparently, this wasn’t the only thing Andrew did to take care of this.

It took some silent minutes though before he revealed it – or rather dropped a bomb, with a perfectly straight face.

“I turned it down.”

Andrew’s words cut through the air like a knife, but his voice didn’t show any emotions. It was as if he talked about something insignificant like the weather.

Neil could do nothing but stare at him, before a disbelieving, “What?” left his lips.

He knew immediately what Andrew was talking about and couldn’t believe this. No one rejected the US Court. _No one._

Andrew gave him a bored side-glance. “They’ve got nothing interesting for me.”

“It’s the national team,” Neil argued as if Andrew wasn’t perfectly aware of that. He received nothing but another indifferent gaze in return. But Neil didn’t want to brush it off so easily. It was too much of a big deal. Everyone who played Exy would give their right arm to play for US Court.

“It’s a big chance! It’s stupid to not take it,” he persisted.

“For you, maybe. But Exy isn’t the center of my life.” Andrew focused on him, but Neil was too busy comprehending this just now to notice.

Neil couldn’t believe this. When he heard Andrew was the second one after Kevin to get an invitation to Court, it took him off-guard at first due to the massive distance, but above all, he had been truly happy for him. He deserved it more than anyone. Even when he didn’t play with all he got Andrew was an impressive Exy player – and when he did, he was unstoppable. A force of nature.

Neil didn’t expect any less, but he never thought Andrew could or would reject this offer. It never had been part of his plan.

According to it, Andrew should be first to Court so Neil hopefully could follow him next year… but now?

“Do you want to stop playing Exy?” Neil asked with utter disbelief in his voice and he couldn’t even tell why he felt like choking on this notion. Not being on an Exy court together with Andrew for a whole year would be hard enough to deal with, but never again…? This was unthinkable.

Andrew was just as important to him, as Exy was – even more important than that – and sharing his passion with Andrew was everything Neil ever could have dreamed of. 

He knew Andrew’s opinion about Exy seemed to be indifferent on the surface, but Neil was still convinced there was more to it. He did care about it… and even if he didn’t, he cared about Neil at least.

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Andrew’s disinterested voice dragged him back to reality.

“Then don’t do stupid things,” Neil countered openly frustrated.

It was typical of Andrew to not talk with him about this, but decide for himself and just do it, but Neil would have wanted to discuss this anyway. He wanted a chance to try and convince him even if Neil knew he couldn’t. Andrew did as he pleased, but it was a matter of principle. He wanted the illusion to have tried at least.

Silence spread between them again, but this time, it was heavy with Neil’s discontent. He was staring down at the grey asphalt and tried to figure out the meaning behind Andrew’s cryptic words. He didn’t confirm he wanted to stop playing Exy, but Neil didn’t know what that meant in reverse.

He could have asked, but he wasn’t sure if he’d get an answer right now – or if he wanted to hear it.

Suddenly, there was a movement next to him. Andrew sat up again and grabbed the bottle. After taking a deep sip, he offered the whiskey to Neil without looking or talking to him.

Neil took it and felt the alcohol burning his throat. When he lowered the bottle, another lit cigarette was held out to him.

“I signed with a team nearby,” Andrew said, blowing smoke into the air. He followed it with an apathetic look in his eyes.

“You’re not good enough to be interesting to US Court yet,” Andrew continued. “So try harder and maybe I’ll think about it again next year.”

The way Andrew talked about it he made it sound as if it was his decision alone to play for the national team, regardless of whether this had been a once in a lifetime offer or not. But it wasn’t the main reason that left Neil speechless; it was what his words implied.

“You’re… staying close to PSU?“ he managed to say somehow.

Andrew just answered with a blank side-glance, saying he wouldn’t repeat himself.

There was another ache in his heart, but this time it was due to unimagined happiness as relief rushed through his veins.

Neil had accepted his fate of a lonely year awaiting him where he’d barely see Andrew. The distance wouldn’t be insurmountable, but too much for regular visits considering their busy schedules. 

With the notion of Andrew still being nearby, the next months suddenly didn’t seem too bad anymore.

It still would be a huge change, though.

He had gotten used to Andrew and his presence so much Neil sometimes thought it to be reckless, but then he reminded himself that he was Neil Josten and Neil Josten was allowed to rely on others. To rely on Andrew. And he could. Always and unconditionally.

A genuine smile showed on his lips. If Andrew noticed, he let it pass without comment.

Once he told Neil he didn’t care where they’d go after PSU. He mentioned it casually, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Neil understood only now it was, because this wasn’t _he;_ it was _they_.

“I’m happy,” Neil said and still felt the smile on his lips.

“Don’t make it look like it’s surprising.”

Andrew wasn’t entirely wrong with that. It was as much of a surprise as it wasn’t.

Neil just never thought of it as a possible outcome. With Andrew getting an offer to Court, his path had been clear for Neil. No possibility for any deviations. And he probably was even right with that: Andrew saw the path he wanted to walk on right in front of his eyes. Neil just had had the wrong idea what it looked like.

His path meant to part with Neil’s only as much as he needed to. That’s what Andrew decided for.

Something warm spread in Neil’s chest. By now this feeling was as familiar as the color of Andrew’s eyes or the presence of his body lying next to him when they shared a bed.

Neil leaned to him, making sure Andrew noticed how he slightly lifted his hand before he placed it at the back of his head. Andrew allowed it.

Over the years, Neil had become pretty good at reading Andrew, because he knew every day was different. Today’s yes could turn into a strict no tomorrow. But this area was safe, even on an incisive day like this.

Neil ghosted a kiss onto his jawline and waited for Andrew to turn to him, so he could reach his lips. Instead, a hand dug into his hair and pushed him back, but only so far that Andrew could crush their lips together.

The kiss was as harsh as it was insistent and when Andrew broke away from it to examine him, Neil answered immediately, because he didn’t need to hear the question.

It was yes. Yes once. Yes a hundred times. A thousand times. _Always_ yes.

Neil didn’t complain when he was being pushed down. The roof was hard against his back, but Andrew’s lips were soft on his and the perfect distraction.

Andrew kissed him as if he wanted to clarify something with it. Everything he would never tell him but showed with his actions. Everything he could never admit, not even to himself. Everything Neil knew anyway, with every fiber of his body:

Alone he was nothing, but together they were everything.


End file.
